brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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