I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
