I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
