he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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