Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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