Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
