OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
