i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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