Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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