Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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