If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
