so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
