If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
