Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
