I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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