i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
