A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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