Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
