Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize