I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
