i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
