"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize