Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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