he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
worst night to have a conscience
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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