I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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