I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
