Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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