FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
