i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
