So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize