oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
