I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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