I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
