she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
