I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
