did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
