explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
