she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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