Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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