I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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