last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
