So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
