My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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