Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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