I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
