Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
