It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
