this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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