I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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