Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
