Betty ford says i'm here all night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pants are for mortals
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
