I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
