I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
