***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Life is so much better after having sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
