I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
