I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
