i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
