People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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