So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
