i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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