dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
