I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
