Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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