hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
