its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
