I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
