Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
