if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
