it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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