..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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