any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
