I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
