whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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