listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
