She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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