we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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