I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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