WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
