We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
