I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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