you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
