I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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