someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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