How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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