So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
