drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
