I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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