That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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