i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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