white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
