I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
