I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
