I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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