Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
